Dealing with Difficult People

In our day-to-day activities we often have to deal with people who are rude, mean or downright impossible. Unfortunately, many of these difficult people are our friends, family, coworkers or employers; although life would be a lot easier if we could ignore or avoid difficult situations, sometimes that is just not an option.

Dealing with difficult people can make you angry, frustrated, upset or difficult yourself. The trick to managing your interaction with these people is to be aware of the type of person you are dealing with and the most effective way to get what you want from them - whether it's an answer to a question, some help with a problem, or simply to be left alone.

• Difficult Person Number One - Defensive Diane. Diane is the person in your office who gets her back up, even when you are giving her a compliment. "Diane, you look fantastic in those jeans" is met with "so what, I look like crap every other day?". Dealing with defensive people like Diane is nearly impossible because you can be nice or her or mean to her and get the same reaction; there is no way of knowing how to get on her "good side" (if there even is one).
  
  How do you handle Diane? Unfortunately, most defensive people are impossible to crack; something in their life completely unrelated to you has made them reactive and defensive, and your positive mood can simply be seen as a thinly-veiled insult waiting to happen. The best way to deal with Diane is to make your compliments and requests simple, and above all do not snap or become angry after she becomes defensive. Maintaining your status as a stable and non-reactive force in her life may not get her back down immediately, but will stop her defensiveness from escalating.
  

• Difficult Person Number Two - Grumpy Greg. Greg is always miserable; a simple "how do you do?" is answered with a stream of problems in Greg's life. Not only is Greg generally unhappy, but he isn't going to be satisfied until he ruins your day as well. Dealing with grumpy people like Greg can turn a good day into a bad one in no time; they say "misery loves company", after all.
  
  How do you handle Greg? I have a lot of Gregs in my life, and it has taken a while to realize that you cannot improve their mood. Sometimes the best option is to just cease interactions with the person, but that isn't always possible. Much like dealing with Diane, your best defense is a good offense - maintain your cheery, positive attitude and let his "woe-is-me" attitude roll off your back. Tell Greg how his help with your problem can improve your life and ask if there is anything you can do to return the favour.
  

• Difficult Person Number Three - Moaning Moira. Moira loves to complain and loves to do nothing about it; she gets along well with Greg because they feed off of each others' negativity. Dealing with people like Moira is draining; no matter how many cheery solutions you provide, she always has a reason why things are just impossible.
  
  How do you handle Moira? Although it can cause you to expend more energy than its worth, you might consider giving Moira some advice on how she can go about solving her problem every time she complains. Moira doesn't like the drinks in the vending machine - suggest that she speak to your office manager with her own suggestions. Moaners like the idea of complaining but not the idea of doing something; call their bluff and continue about your day being productive and useful.
  

• Difficult Person Number Four - Dramatic Dave. Dave is incredibly animated, for better or for worse. Unfortunately, you never know what will turn a good mood into a bad mood with him. Difficult people like Dave are hard to manage because they can be "set off" by the smallest things, which often means his coworkers and friends are walking on eggshells around him.
  
  How do you handle Dave? My old boss was 100% a Dave (but I couldn't use his name as it was a little bit too unique for comfort). The best way I found to deal with him was to find a solution to the problem and present it to him afterwards as an FYI - as in, "FYI, this problem happened but I did this and now we don't need to worry about it". Work on framing everything positively and you will have a positive person to work with. Get dramatic, upset or angry yourself and Dave will mirror your mood. Daves feed off of others' energy, so project a little happiness and see what happens!
  

• Difficult Person Number Five - Nasty Natasha. Natasha is just plain mean to you and you have no idea why. She isn't like Dave, who gets upset because of situations, and she isn't like Diane, who seems to have it out for everyone. Natasha has a bone to pick with you, even if you don't know why. Dealing with people like Natasha is difficult, especially if you are unsure as to why you are their latest victim; anything you do could be the reason she doesn't like you.
  
  How do you handle Natasha? Unfortunately, if you don't know what you did you can't possibly solve the problem. Consider sitting down with Natasha and asking her point-blank what her problem is (in a nice way). Let her know how much you like working with her (choke it out, come on now...) and that you want to make sure your working relationship is positive. You may need to enlist the help of others in getting your jobs accomplished if Natasha is just not going to budge. Some people are just plain mean for the sake of being mean.

This is just a brief outline of some of the difficult people you might encounter, not taking into account any emotional issues they may have or any specific problems you might encounter on a daily basis. Are there any people in particular you have a problem dealing with? What do you do to make the day a little brighter?

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